reality

It hit me hard this week that we are moving away from the only place I know.  With June just around the corner I really started to feel the emotions of living home.  I started to really recognize how much I was going to miss the people who make home what it means to me.  It's hard trying to balance everything.  I want to spend as much time as possible with family and my closest friends before we leave.  But I also have so much I need to do.  I also want to just enjoy Sam and being a little family and enjoy the everyday beauties and blessings.  Mack and Ruby are so fun and I love being with them .

Tonight we met up with my parents for ice cream.  They are leaving for France tomorrow and I have had the hardest coming to peace with that.  It seems cruel to have them leave right before I leave.  Everyday Mack asks for Nona, he absolutely adores and loves her.  And so do I.  When I think about home and missing it my mom is the thing I will miss the most.  She is the reason why thinking about moving is so hard.  Tonight Mack was crying and screaming as we sad good-bye because he didn't want to leave her and it took all I had not to cry too.  My mind fast forwarded to a few weeks away driving away from her all over again but this time driving to my new home that's hundreds of miles away.  Nothing can prepare me for that moment and I can't say I'm looking forward to it at all.

turning 2

My oldest baby is turning 2 in about a week and you can tell.  He is starting to get a little more naughty and test the boundaries more.  He is also learning a ton!  I love his little voice.  He is trying to say more words and learning new ones almost every day.  He knows how to start his own prayer now and he knows at the end when to say 'Jesus' and says it without prompt.

He makes me laugh every single day with something he does.  Yesterday he was playing along side Ruby and got a little too rough.  It didn't warrant a total time out or big dramatic punishment but I thought he needed to be removed for a minute.  I picked him up and put him in his chair in his bedroom and explained that he need to sit there for a minute and remember to play soft with Ruby.  He didn't mind sitting in his chair at all.  Afterwards he got up and ran over to Ruby and kissed her and said sorry.  Not too long after he was playing and something similar happened, I  was brushing my teeth and couldn't really talk to him but he knew I was upset.  He jumped up and said 'chair' while pointing and running to his chair.  He then climbed up and sat there until I told him to get down.

Having 2 little ones is really the best blessing.  It's double hard but double the joy and the funnies.  Plus it's really so nice that Mack still naps every single day so every day I get a time out and some one on one with Ruby.

my babies ruin my tan

I realized over the Memorial Day weekend that it's going to be awhile before I get to actually relax at the pool and possibly ever get a tan again.  Mack is Mr. Adventurous in the water and requires constant watching since he has no fear.  Ruby is still eating every 2-3 hours and can't be in the sun that pretty much means I get to stay in the shade with her.  And we think we want to have 2 more kids in about 3 years just when everyone can be in an inner tube and splash around without me we will start all over so I guess i'll just get tan in 7 years.  :)

I wanted to write Ruby's birth story before she gets too old.  Meeting Ruby was such a different experience than meeting Mack.  I don't know if it was because Ruby's labor was shorter and much more painful so the moment wasn't as surreal but of course it was special in it's own way.  Towards the end of my pregnancy with Ruby I was so ready to meet her!  I just wanted to get started down the path of life with two kids and stop being limited by my pregnancy.  I walked a lot and did lots of foot rubs trying to induce labor.  I had millions of contractions and at my 37 week appointment was dilated to a 3+ but Dr Cannon wouldn't strip my membranes until the next week but she did think that doing that would put me into labor.  That weekend we went to the pool and I swam laps which what was put me into labor with Mack.  Swimming laps is one of the only things that actually feels good when you are that far along.  It was Presidents weekend so we enjoyed having Sam around.  Sunday night my contractions really started to pick up- they weren't painful just frequent.  I kinda felt like if I got up and walked around that I could them going and put me into labor but I really didn't want to call someone in the middle of the night to come for Mack and then have it be a false alarm so I tried to sleep.  Finally at 5 AM I decided to get up and walk around and time them.  They were regular and about every 2-4 minutes but still no pain so I wasn't sure what to do.  Mack woke up and we made breakfast together and played on the floor until Sam woke up.  Then we cleaned up the house and showered and decided to run some errands and see how I was feeling and maybe go to the hospital.  After walking around target we decided to just go to the hospital and see what happened.  The hospital was hopping.  We arrived with another couple and there was only one room available so they put me in the monitoring room- which I had been in that room multiple times with Ruby already.  We waited 30-45 minutes for the nurse and Mack enjoyed all the buttons and snacks.  Finally the nurse came and checked me and the baby.  I was dilated to a 4 and having regular contractions but they weren't strong.  She called the Dr. on call since it was a holiday and she said to check me in an hour.  At that point Sam took Mack to my moms and I walked the halls of the labor and delivery thinking about having another baby and my world changing forever.  I was pretty sad and uncertain about having Ruby that day.  It was about two and a half weeks early and I wasn't sure I was ready.  I was sad to think about how Mack and mine's relationship would change.  I contemplated not walking the halls and laying down instead hoping to keep me from progressing.  After a little walking and lots of contractions I was dilated to a 5 and they decided to keep me and let me have my baby.  Since my contractions weren't strong they wanted to break my water to help move things along.  I asked for my epidural after that and I was behind 2 other girls.  It didn't take long for my contractions to get really strong and uncomfortable.  I was in so much pain and had no idea how to deal with it.  I couldn't get comfortable and wasn't getting much rest in-between each one.  Since I was waiting for my epidural I was hooked up to saline and the water was just going straight through me, it was so uncomfortable.  Sam was trying to help but couldn't in anyway.  Finally after about an hour the anethiesologist showed up for the epidural.  He tried to small talk but I was pretty straight forward that he needed to get going on placing it.  It was so hard to hold still but he got it in and then I had to wait for it to kick it.  Right after they placed it the nurse checked me and I was ready to push the baby out.  I should have had her check me before the epidural because I would have just gone without and pushed her out and not wasted all that time.  However it was nice to be so numb after the delivery.  I could actually be comfortable in bed.  After that everything just was a whirl.  They were rushing to get the room ready, dr. Cannon showed up and 10 minutes later Ruby was there.  She had a little trouble breathing so a specialist came but she worked it out on her own.  Right after I was done getting stitched up Preston and Liz showed up, Kim and Jason arrived right as I was being transferred and a little later that night my mom came.  Ruby brought the sweetest spirit with her and instantly it felt right to have her there.

I feel like I always need a nap after delivering before I can really enjoy my babies.  The next morning I couldn't wait to have her back from the nursery and start getting to know her.  After each baby I have walked away with a new insight and learned something new.  Ruby's was so fast and uncomfortable but her recovery was so much easier and my body did it itself.  I loved having her during the day so people could meet her right away.

some day are better than others

Being a mom has taught me more in two years than I could have ever learned any other way.  More patience, more long suffering, more love, more kindness, more forgiveness.... Monday I woke up and had intentions of making the day a relaxing, close to home day.  The weekends are always so busy I like to have a recuperation day that allows me to follow my kids schedules and needs.  Before 10 AM I had already had quite the morning.  Mack got into the utility closet and got out the sponges that Sam used on our backsplash and before I realized that they were filled with dried grout my kitchen floor was a sandy mess.  Luckily he 'helped' me sweet it up.  Then after breakfast while we were putting away all the food Mack again 'helped' me close the fridge door a bit too hard causing the water jug, which I just filled spill all over the shelves.  But the fridge needed to be wiped down anyways.  By 10 AM I had changed 5 diapers and not washed my face or gotten dress.  But for some reason I handled these things as cool as a cat.  I just reminded Mack to be soft or had him help with the towels etc.  Even though I hadn't done my make up or hair I threw on my exercise clothes and jogged up to the park and we spent the morning there.

Yesterday was the opposite.  No major events that could have been really frustrating happened but Mack was just hard and our heads were butting.  Every time I finally got him settled Ruby would need attention and I never got a break for a few hours.  I lost my patience, my cool, multiple times and sent both Mack and I crying over and over again all morning long.  Just when I was getting everyone into the car to escape our morning my mom pulled into the driveway.  She was truly following a spiritual prompting to come and check on us.  I needed a friend and a little extra help.  We headed to Harmons and did her grocery shopping and ate corn dogs as we shopped.  I love my mom.  She always is looking out for me.  She understands that it's hard to be in my shoes and doesn't tell me that I am doing it perfectly or what a good job I am doing because she knows I'm trying my best but she knows that I will have a hard time too.  She shows me by example how to handle my kids.  She shows me that there is no formula but I need to understand my kids needs and fulfill them and teach them while doing that.

Today is a new day that hasn't quite started yet.  I have a choice every day of how I am going to make it.  Today will be good.  I have a fresh start and I intend to make it better than yesterday.  I love my kids and being a mom.  Even though it's hard it's double the joy.

hello little blog

A lot has changed since I last visited this blog.  We added another to our family 3 months ago and I love being a mom of 2.  My two littles are 20 months apart and sometimes I literally have 2 babies even though Mack is getting and acting more toddlerish every day.  When I was pregnant with Ruby I asked my sister, Katy who had her 2 boys 19 months apart how she survived having 2 young kids so close together.  And she honestly couldn't really remember what life was like.  I want to remember my life right now and I think this blog is the best way to do that.  I love being able to easily add pictures and quickly type a story or thought.  This blog is 100 percent for me and my little family to remember our little life as we know it.  

As Mack got older I started to notice how hard it was for us to be home.  He really thrived on being out of the house and seeing new things.  I tried to leave the house before 1030 every day for some sort of an outing.  The outings weren't always things for him, sometimes it was going to the mall, grocery store, or a walk.  When Ruby showed up I knew that it would be imperative that we still got out of the house first thing.  If I leave the house in the morning Mack does so much better playing later in the day.  He is more independent and less naughty.  His favorite things to do are, go for walks, go to the park, the children's discovery museum, story time at the library, having a friend come visit and visiting Nona(my mom).  I had to quickly brave leaving the house with two when Ruby was just a couple weeks old because Mack would go crazy just being coped up at home.  I felt the opposite when Mack was a baby.  It seemed impossible to even eat breakfast before 12 let alone leave the house.  When Mack was born he totally froze my life, it was like my life as I knew it was over and I was starting over.  In the two years that he has been my little buddy I have learned a lot and especially learned how to be flexible and do things with a baby in tow.  I've learned that sometimes you will have the kid crying at the store.  Sometimes you will have to nurse in less than ideal circumstances.  Sometimes you won't look as cute as you want when you are leaving the house.  Sometimes you won't make your bed before you leave the house.  Sometimes you had a plan and that plan has to change because your baby needs something different.  I'm so glad I learned all this and then had another baby.  Ruby didn't shatter my world she only enhanced it and she continues to do so.  

Just the other day I was nursing Ruby on the couch in our back family room and watching Mack play with his toys.  He recently has gotten better at playing by himself and jumps from toy to toy.  I just enjoyed watching him play and interact with him while Ruby ate.  The moments that I have to sit and nurse Ruby were something I was really worried about.  I thought for sure Mack would be impossible while nursing but it's been quite the opposite.  It's been such a blessing to get to stop and be still and play with Mack while nursing.  I've gotten to spend more time with him because I had a baby.  Our life was more on go before Ruby and now we have seemed to settle down just enough to enjoy it.  

I've been totally blessed with a great baby.  She was sleeping 6-8 hour stretches at night for the first few weeks of life, then she digressed a little and woke up every 3-4 for a month or so.  Now at 3 months she sleeps about 9 hours straight at night.  She's pleasant and easy going for the most part.  She's smiley and loves attention but doesn't demand it.  She's great at sitting and gazing at something and totally content doing it.  

I know that everyone has way different experiences with 2 kids but I have loved it.  I've had moments where it's been absolutely exhausting and felt impossible but for the most part I really enjoy it and feel incredibly blessed to be at this phase of my life right now.